Threadeds' Eclectic Blog

Labels: fun, joke, thought for today, zen buddhism

Labels: bizarre, joke, thought for today, zen buddhism

The best things in life aren't things.

Labels: thought for today, zen buddhism

Someone once asked Jean Cocteau, "Suppose your house were on fire and you could remove only one thing. What would you take?"

Cocteau considered, then said, "I would take the fire."

Labels: thought for today, zen buddhism

They advertise these washing-up powders by saying they can remove bloodstains from your brightest coloured clothes. I reckon if you've bloodstains all over your clothes the laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Labels: bizarre, fun, joke, Pavlovs dog, zen buddhism

If you wait too long for the perfect moment,
the perfect moment will pass you by.

Labels: joke, zen buddhism

Cycling down the road in the dark when an owl cut diagonally across from behind right to front left and into the woods. Clipped its back-end. Owl shuffled a little in mid-flight and got back to straight and level pretty much straight away. Owl also appeared to look back momentarily, we exchanged a surprised look, and carried on our merry ways.

Labels: bizarre, zen buddhism

Do or not do. There is no try.

Labels: zen buddhism

Labels: bizarre, fun, zen buddhism

Stumbling around a clients website and up pops a page with curt text in the top left corner: "An unexpected failure has occurred".

It strikes me though, that if someone wrote a page to say that, then they expected this occurrence to happen.

Did they write pages for all the expected failures as well?

Or are the programmers just lazy: writing this one page as they wistfully expect the system to always be working, at all times, and when it doesn't it is a mysterious unexpected event?

Maybe they weren't lazy, and worked really hard to build a working system, but ran out of budget for this page to tell the customers that the back end was going belly up.

One asks: what does it mean to say, "An unexpected failure has occurred", and what will the readers of the page be left to ponder...

Labels: bizarre, buddhism, joke, purple, work, zen buddhism

Only when the last tree
Has been cut down
And the last river
Has dried to a trickle
Will man finally realise
That we cannot eat money
And reciting old proverbs
Makes you sound like a twat

Labels: bizarre, buddhism, fun, joke, politics, zen buddhism

A Zen teacher saw five of his students returning from the market, riding their bicycles. When they arrived at the monastery and had dismounted, the teacher asked the students, “Why are you riding your bicycles?” The first student replied, “The bicycle is carrying this sack of potatoes. I am glad that I do not have to carry them on my back!” The teacher praised the first student. “You are a smart boy! When you grow old, you will not walk hunched over like I do.” The second student replied, “I love to watch the trees and fields pass by as I roll down the path!” The teacher commended the second student, “Your eyes are open, and you see the world.” The third student replied, “When I ride my bicycle, I am content to chant nam myoho renge kyo.” The teacher gave his praise to the third student, “Your mind will roll with the ease of a newly trued wheel.” The fourth student replied, “Riding my bicycle, I live in harmony with all sentient beings.” The teacher was pleased and said to the fourth student, “You are riding on the golden path of non-harming.” The fifth student replied, “I ride my bicycle to ride my bicycle.” The teacher sat at the feet of the fifth student and said, “I am your student.”

Labels: cycling, zen buddhism

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Labels: joke, zen buddhism

On the office wall has been placed a poster giving the information that two words rhymed.

Didn't quite know if they were telling us the two words rhymed, the meaning of the word 'rhyme', some other information they wished to impart en-passant, or possibly all of the above.

I was contemplating this when it popped into my mind that the popular music act 'Sex Pistols' had managed to rhyme 'Antichrist' with 'Anarchist' in one of their songs.

Labels: zen buddhism

Realised what obvious means: those things you write instructions for, for the use of those who don't embrace obvious quite so easily.

Labels: joke, Pavlovs dog, programming, zen buddhism

Master Kangan pointed to the mountain and said to Threadi: "You speak of mind over matter -- then let's see you move Miss Pie"

Wordlessly the young disciple ate the pie.

The Master smiled as Threadi slapped him up the side of the head. "You had to use your hands."

Silently Threadi closed his mouth.

Labels: bizarre, buddhism, zen buddhism

Master Kangan pointed to the mountain and said to Daichi: "You speak of mind over matter -- then let's see you move Mt. Fuji."

Wordlessly the young disciple pulled the shoji screen across their view.

The Master smiled as Daichi slapped him up the side of the head. "You had to use your hands."

Silently Daichi closed his eyes.

Labels: buddhism, zen buddhism

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species.  To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters.  That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately.  The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior.  I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest.  Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength.  In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd.  Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms.  I consider this "grant money."  I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament.  From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

Labels: bizarre, buddhism, zen buddhism

Zen is total bullshit. When you realize that fact, you have mastered Zen.

Labels: bizarre, buddhism, zen buddhism

Even if for a lifetime
the fool stays with the wise,
he knows nothing of the Dhamma
as the ladle, the taste of the soup.

Labels: buddhism, zen buddhism

Time doesn't exist. Clocks exist.

Labels: zen buddhism

If you create a web-page, but spell the URL wrong, does it still exist?

Labels: zen buddhism

One day while walking through the wilderness a man stumbled upon a vicious tiger. He ran but soon came to the edge of a high cliff.

Desperate to save himself, he climbed down a vine and dangled over the fatal precipice. As he hung there, two mice appeared from a hole in the cliff and began gnawing on the vine.

Suddenly, he noticed on the vine a plump wild strawberry. He plucked it and popped it in his mouth. It was incredibly delicious!

Labels: zen buddhism