Wednesday, February 04, 2009



Hønsekødsuppe til 4 personer

En høne på en og en halv kilo, eller halvanden kilo passer bedre.
En spiseske salt
Cirka to liter vand
To eller tre gulerødder
Et kvart selleri
En persillerod
En porre
Et løg
Fire hele nelliker

Stik nellikerne ind i løget.
Tag bladerne fra porren og brug dem til suppevisk
Skær grøntsager i tern.
Kom alt i gryden, untagen kyllingen.
Vær sikker på at hønen er død, en stor hammer kan hjælpe dig her.
Pluk hønen, og fjern indvoldene.
Kom nu kyllingen i gryden.
Kog i to timer ved svag varme.
Omrøres med jævne mellem rum.
Salt og peber efter ønske.

Server og spis op, uden hyl og skrig!

Avis artikel

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Friday, March 21, 2008


Spice Girls: The Movie

Favourite quote:

"As an artist one must realise that a good kicking is probably the best complement you'll ever receive."

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Tuesday, March 18, 2008


You just can't help some people.

On my regular cycle commute there're a few nutters who just have to be in front. Not that they're fast, they're just a bit up themselves about having to be in front. For example, say I get caught by the lights, they have to push in front and then make it difficult to overtake, so everyone gets caught by the next set of lights, etc. etc..

I am so enured of this that I now recognise this set of people from their bicycles. I notice and slow down. They're not going so far and it is only an extra minute or so being forced to cycle slower, and then they're gone, so I can get back up to speed.

Anyways this morning, one of the usual suspects pushes his way through to the front of the queue at the lights. As he passes me I shout that he really ought to slow down and hold back as it is really icy. I do this knowing he won't be able to take his left turn about 200m further on. He's just not that good a cyclist. I can predict he will fall off, maybe cause a pile up, and anyways everyone will have to stop to help him.

Eh, left turn? Yes, he pushes to the front apparently just to cause everyone to slow for him so he can make his turn a little further on. What a prat! Why not wait behind: won't cost him anything and will save the irritation he causes to other cyclists in making them brake hard.

Anyways, your hero has his helmet camera on and running! So a little devil grabs me: Film it! Film it!

So I sits right behind him, ready for him to fall, ready to take evasive action, maybe take a roll over the top. The prospect of the coming excitement makes my mouth go dry.

We approach where he makes his turn, he's going too fast, he grabs fist fulls of brake and whap, over he goes, I've already worked out where he's going to fall, and which way he'll slide, so not much evasive action to go round as I've already chosen my line. I slow to a trackstand and look back to check he's ok. Yeah, he's ok, he's f-ing and blinding that it was my fault!

No good deed goes unpunished: I tried to warn the sucker and what do you get? You just can't help some people!

Hopefully the video has captured it all, and if so, a link will be posted later.

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Monday, March 17, 2008


Old tyre blew off the rim

Thinking it's been a while since I took my faithful old Eddy Merckx out for a spin. So decided to take it out for a little ride.

Didn't get far, as all of a sudden it felt like the back wheel had gone square.

Tyre had blown off the rim, looks like it was perished. Ho-hum, best get a new one.

To get a new tyre had to get the measurements. 32_597 (26 x 1 1/4). Irritatingly they only make this size for wheelchairs now.

Just how old is it?

That old? Can't be.

Best sit down and work out how old it is.
Well, not less that 31 and not more than 35 years old. Not bad for bike tyre that!

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Sunday, December 23, 2007


Quote without context

A Danish tourist, also tripping on ’shrooms, recently took his car on a magical joy ride through a campground, narrowly missing people asleep in their tents. Though, to be fair, have you ever talked to a Danish tourist? They’re ten kinds of crazy before they even go near the produce section….

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Saturday, December 22, 2007



An Ermine, in its winter colours, was discovered in one of the traps this morning. Looks like it had happily been eating a mouse that had also been caught in the trap and then discovered it was itself now caught. Took it to the woods and let it go. Don't know if it really was wild, feral, or a recent escapee from a fur farm, but it appeared in rude health. It had a little look around and then scampered away into the brush.

The Ermine is also known as the Stoat, and as the Short-Tailed Weasel. Its Latin name is Mustela erminea. They have to eat half their weight in mice everyday or they starve to death. That's an awful lot of mice. I'm glad it's about, as now the weather is turning colder, all the rodents are searching for somewhere warm to hold up for the winter, and make a bee-line for the few houses there are out here in the countryside.

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Thursday, December 20, 2007


Thought for today

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Sunday, December 16, 2007


ad omnia paratus

A castrated lion – the perfect symbol for European defence policy.

Apparently the Swedes asked for this unkindest cut of all. Some of their soldiers said they could not identify with such a symbol on their army crest, so it was changed.

Incidentally, the new symbol, in heraldic tradition, was reserved for traitors...

The thing is, these soldiers will be generally be sent into some 3rd world hell hole, the kind of place where this kind of symbolism is deeply ingrained.

It will get people killed. The idiots.

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Saturday, December 15, 2007


Think of the children...

Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'

From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet ...

'Well, f -- ckin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!'

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Friday, December 14, 2007


Drunk driver attacked me this morning on Roskildevej

I had a car pull up beside me and the driver started shouting something. Not really wanting a conversation with a strange person in the dark, I called back in English that I don't understand Danish. He then started shouting something else, still in Danish, about remembering it was his bicycle I was riding, and some other gibberish. He didn't sound right in the head.

With that he drove onto the cycle path and tried to knock me off my bicycle.

Missed luckily, and I pedaled on. I see cars pull onto the cycle path and cyclists having to swerve to avoid them often enough that I didn't think anything of it, and I already had him tagged as a nutter.

Next thing, same car pulls in front, onto the cycle path and bloke jumps out and stands in the cycle path. I set to go around, and as I do, he throws a punch. Close, but no cigar, and close enough that I can smell the beer. Oh no, 'One of those'.

'One of those' happens quite frequently in Denmark. Some people, after a skin full, which is quite common this time of year, go out and find someone who is on their own to attack, and it's usually early in the morning.

It helps a lot for them if you're a foreigner, so my answering in English probably didn't help.

So how to stop this becoming any nastier? I have to find another person, pull up, and call the Police. I'm right in the middle of Roskildevej, but I can see there are people waiting at the approaching bus stop. Have another near miss with chummy as he mounts the cycle path again before I reach safety. When I get there I stop, and ask if anyone would care to phone the Police. Everyone studiously ignores me.

Chummy, like they do, not wanting witnesses, as soon as he sees there are some, drives off. I didn't get his number plate either, darn it. I remonstrate with the people at the bus stop for their cowardice, which now marks me as a nutter, so I set back off on my way to work. Kept an eye out for chummy at the next couple of junctions but he was long gone.

I call the Police, but without a plate there is nothing they can do. Didn't push it anyway as my experience from the many accidents I've seen, is if you're a foreigner, your statement isn't worth taking.

Amusingly: one of my co-workers after hearing me chatting to the police relates he had a similar run-in with drunks on the train.

Ah, Christmas is coming, and it's Friday morning. Many companies have their parties on a Thursday evening, so Copenhagen is over-run with drunks the following morning. It's what eventually puts me off cycling in Denmark this time of year, not the snow, not the rain, not the dark, or the cold: but the blessed drunks on the cycle path.

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Sunday, November 25, 2007


Puzzling advertisements

They advertise these washing-up powders by saying they can remove bloodstains from your brightest coloured clothes. I reckon if you've bloodstains all over your clothes the laundry isn't your biggest problem.

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Thursday, November 15, 2007


Rear ended an owl

Cycling down the road in the dark when an owl cut diagonally across from behind right to front left and into the woods. Clipped its back-end. Owl shuffled a little in mid-flight and got back to straight and level pretty much straight away. Owl also appeared to look back momentarily, we exchanged a surprised look, and carried on our merry ways.

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Friday, November 09, 2007


What ah mistake ah to make ah

Instead of a man dressed in a gorilla suit, the 16-year-old boy got a stripper dressed as a policewoman.


Apparently it was a 'booking error'.

What I want to know is: where's the video on YouTube?

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Tuesday, November 06, 2007



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Monday, November 05, 2007


An unexpected failure has occured

Stumbling around a clients website and up pops a page with curt text in the top left corner: "An unexpected failure has occurred".

It strikes me though, that if someone wrote a page to say that, then they expected this occurrence to happen.

Did they write pages for all the expected failures as well?

Or are the programmers just lazy: writing this one page as they wistfully expect the system to always be working, at all times, and when it doesn't it is a mysterious unexpected event?

Maybe they weren't lazy, and worked really hard to build a working system, but ran out of budget for this page to tell the customers that the back end was going belly up.

One asks: what does it mean to say, "An unexpected failure has occurred", and what will the readers of the page be left to ponder...

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Only when the last tree
Has been cut down
And the last river
Has dried to a trickle
Will man finally realise
That we cannot eat money
And reciting old proverbs
Makes you sound like a twat

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Friday, November 02, 2007


Rip Rap & Rup

A poster I saw a protester carrying:

"Anders Rip Rap Rasmussen".

'And' is Danish for duck. 'Rip Rap & Rup' are Donald Ducks nephews.

Well, it made me laugh. YMMV.

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Can you ... has an amusing new feature: auto suggestions.

Try 'can you' and see what comes up.,

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Sunday, October 28, 2007


Pink Helicopter

A friend has just got one of these Pink Helicopter toys for their birthday. Oh my, such a laugh.

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Thursday, October 18, 2007


Jagtvej 69 Politics

Jagtvej 69 Politics is a little video we made as part of a team building exercise.

Essentially it is a little video using a Surrealist and Existential techniques about the politics surrounding Ungdomshuset

There are other teams that have produced videos and there is a little competition between them. Not quite sure how it is going to be scored, but do watch and give us a high rating, as I don't think it can harm the outcome...

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Monday, October 15, 2007


An open letter to Assos.

This blog entry on Fat Cyclist made me LOL
An open letter to Assos

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Saturday, September 01, 2007


You know when you are old when...

You know when you are old when you try to find some replacement staples for your stapler, turn up a blank, go to Google to try and find a supplier and discover your model stapler appears on e-Bay as an 'antique'.

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Sunday, August 26, 2007


The nuts were out in force yesterday!

Had a few errands to run yesterday and ended up feeling I'd have much rather stayed in bed due to all the nuts on the road.

First trip was to BMW Service in Rødovre, to buy a new battery for a renovation project. It was recommended to me by a motorcyclist I chatted to some time ago who just happened to be riding the same type of motorcycle as the project, and was filling up at a petrol station I was passing, so thought I'd ask where he gets the parts. Anyways the shop happened to be shut, but I do know where it is now. Can nip in on the way to and fro'. First nut of the day I met was driving at speed the wrong way up a one way street on the way there. Didn't think it much out of the ordinary, it being Denmark after all: they appear to have a relaxed attitude to such things. Just pull over, smile, but try not to make too much eye contact.

Next stop was the Road Bike Shop where I heard they were having a sale. Thought I might pick up a few bargains. On the way I had to make a left turn across the traffic at a Y junction. The road splits for the Y and both parts get traffic lights. Whilst waiting at the lights got some loon peeping their horn at me. The light for straight on was green so maybe they thought my red light for going across the oncoming traffic should be ignored? Anyways, they pulled sharply into the right hand lane, cutting up the fast lane traffic going straight on. Lots of blaring horns and the light there was red now, and mine went to green. I didn't look back. Maybe they like standing at red lights peeping their horn. It takes all sorts I guess.

Just after this junction the road narrows very sharply to single lane, widens again to four lanes for a cross roads, narrows again to one. As I was in the inside lane and I knew I'd eventually be wanting a left turn, and I knew this turn would be at a load of road works, just thought I'd hang back and let everyone in the fast lane pass me. Which would have worked a charm but for the idiots who ran the red lights from the other direction. So there I am trying to make a left turn at some roadworks, but could not as the gap was removed by said red-light jumping fools, and then the junction itself gets blocked by one of them thoughtless types parking their car in it, only allowing one car in or out at a time.

A while later I manage to get into the road, and 10 meters down it next idiot I meet shoots out of a petrol station car park straight across the road and nearly crashes into a car parked opposite. I emergency stop and start laughing at the bizarreness of the driving, guess his foot slipped off the clutch or something. Big mistake, never laugh at a Danes inability to drive. You can insult their mother, but never obviously question their driving ability. So he's now having a fit. Spends so much time mucking about that he can't reverse as some other fool, also lacking situational awareness, blocks that path. Someone has come up behind me, even though I tried reversing they were minded to notice the reversing lights and roll up to almost touching bumpers to stop me. Another comes from the opposite direction and blocks that path. Impasse. Turns out car from the opposite direction wants some petrol so they drive up onto the pavement and squeeze through the tightest gap between a wall and the parked cars and into the petrol station. (I've been thinking on this, and I still can't figure out how they did that maneuver without hitting anything.) First car realises his only way out is up the road where the last car came from, which is exactly the opposite direction he wants to go, but off he goes nevertheless.

Whilst at the Road Bike Shop bumped into Janus and separately another friend, Aske, who were also bargain hunting. Janus is looking for a new fixie, some chummy having stole his the other day.

I got myself a new spinning set-up for the winter and some spare tubes for my Bugatti road bike which I intend to use on the trainer. They also had some Primal Wear shirts and picked one out that looked nice, and was one of the only two that was my size. A new PC68 chain for my 29'er. The current one isn't all that old, but I've taken to waxing my chains and the one on doesn't have a handy link, also I just don't like it. There again, I might just keep it as a spare for my commuter bike for swapping due to mid-week downpours and don't have the time for all the messing about. And there again, again, maybe I just can't make my mind up, but it was shiny and I wanted it.

From there I set off to Heino Cykler to hopefully pick up my race bike that I'm having modified. At Damhus Sø the road narrows from two to one lane. The nut I met here seemed to be incapable of overtaking or pulling in so as not to look like he was going to overtake right on the pinch point. Of course as soon as I tried to make his mind up for him he decided to floor it and overtake in the pinch point. I drive a car that says I don't care how fast you think you are, I am faster, at stopping. So no doubt he got his kicks thinking he'd upset someone and I got to feel good about my driving skill, and another road-nut to write abuse about on my blog.

At Heino Cykler, Steen was working on a Saturday, which is unusual. The work on my race bike wasn't finished. They'd fixed my rear caliper, which kept jamming on, but some communication problem with the DT Swiss distributors over bushings meant the new rear shock and lockout hadn't been delivered. Bought some new shorts instead, and agreed to pick the bike up when he 'phoned me.

Decided that as I was not having the best of days would give Rødovre Center a miss and go somewhere quieter and further from the city.

So off to City 2, following the navigators instructions. Knew it would take me by the motorway, considering motorways are safer, thought that I'd maybe gain a little respite from the lunatics. Error!

On the motorway caught up with some blue wreck that decided to change lanes just as the motorway splits at Albertslund. This makes most people think they want to take the left fork, so some drivers start to set up to overtake on the inside as they're taking the right fork. Me, having met more than my fair share of lunatics so far today know they are a prat and are wanting the fast lane on the right fork, yet want to go at a speed significantly below the posted speed limit just to annoy people and hopefully die in a horrific high speed fireball. I lay back and watch the sudden look of horror in the eyes of several drivers as they see the attempted suicide and check their rear view mirrors as they go into avoiding maneuvers. One 7 series BMW ended up shooting across three lanes to avoid a shunt and took the left fork. Bet he was well annoyed.

At City 2 they're doing this 'Extreme Makeover' thing and so they're lots of road works. My favourite car park has a new tarmac sealant layer on it which along with the light rainfall has encouraged the local boy racers to come and use it as a skid pad. So on entry was met by a hand painted purple Renault Megane hot-hatchback with bean can exhausts spinning at high speed, backwards, towards a line of parked JCBs. "Figures!" I think.

As I gingerly made my way to some safe area to park a security guy appeared and the boy racer disappeared in a cloud of tire smoke. I could still hear him going as I entered the shopping centre. A seriously loud exhaust there and I think his throttle had only two positions - fully on pressed through the floor or ignition off.

In Kvickly, first up a trolley took my coin but would not unlock. An assistant came with a pair of pliers, which I noticed are helpfully left laying in a nearby closet. I shall have to remember where they keep them for future repeats of such an episode.

Later in the chilled foods section I was assaulted by a shopper ramming his trolley into me which cut my hand. He made no attempt at an apology and cowardly ran off when he saw my displeasure.

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Friday, August 24, 2007


Three cars and a bike

Todays crash involved three cars and a bicycle. The cyclist was not me I hasten to add. I was watching from my office window, vicarious amusement I know: but I do like to look up occasionally and watch the rush hour traffic at a nearby traffic-light controlled T-junction whilst doing the usual morning chores, especially if there is a squeal of tires, a blowing of horns. If they just co-operated with each other they'd all get through so much quicker, but they'd rather not methinks. Occasionally the various antics drivers get up to at the junction make for a bit of a chuckle.

This mornings chuckle involved three cars and a cyclist all running red-lights, the ensuing crumple of metal, shouting match, and then the ritual exchange of insurance details.

All rather mundane, but it was raining lightly, and as time went on the rain became harder, and then harder. The harder it got the more I wondered when they'd pack in with the shouting match and get onto the exchange of details, if only to save from getting soaked.

Then, just as they exchanged details and were heading back to their cars thoroughly soaked; the rain stopped like a light being switched off.

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Wednesday, June 13, 2007


Un-help desk

I've been sent an email from the help desk, saying they could not process my query as they did not know my email address.



Friday, May 18, 2007


How to move a pie

Master Kangan pointed to the mountain and said to Threadi: "You speak of mind over matter -- then let's see you move Miss Pie"

Wordlessly the young disciple ate the pie.

The Master smiled as Threadi slapped him up the side of the head. "You had to use your hands."

Silently Threadi closed his mouth.

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Thursday, May 17, 2007


Darwins' M&Ms

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species.  To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

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Wednesday, May 09, 2007


It's Like Deja-Vous All Over Again

I'm sure I've had an incident like this happen to me before.

I stop at the lights beside another cyclist and start chatting to them in English.

Then into the conversation comes the question: "How did you know I was English?"

"You're wearing a Manchester United football shirt," I reply.

"Yes, but, lots of people all over the world wear them!" Comes the objection.

"Yet yours has a xxx stain on it..."


Tuesday, May 08, 2007


I just don't believe it

Just saw a Porsche turning a corner from the lights in a 50 kph zone lose it. Back end stepped out and they went all the way to 90 degrees, (sideways,) which considering they were doing a right turn is effectively a 180, before starting to sort themselves out. OK the roads are a little wet, yet I just don't believe it: how bad a driver do you have to be?

Seeing the incident described reminds me that the 'Choose ESC!' campaign starts today. Apparently Denmark have the highest, 76%, of new cars sold fitted with Electronic Stability Control as standard. Guess the buyer of the car above skimped on that option!


Monday, May 07, 2007


Two fatties and a drunk

Cycling through Glostrup, like I would rather not, a drunk bounced off me. What is it with that 1km stretch in Glostrup: interminable roadworks, sudden appearance of spoke breaking holes in the road, moving patches of broken glass, and now drunks... Why me? Maybe said drunk thought I looked like a large solid thing to lean up against.

But not as large as the next cycle-path hazard: two fatties stood in the way. Now if they were side by side I could of squeezed through, but one was slightly behind the other, thereby blocking the whole path. It looked like they were attempting to cross the road, a dual-carriage way, at rush-hour, and not something I would attempt at that point. So I slows down to give them chance to go, and slows down, and slower, and slower, until I stop about a meter away.

"Excuse me," I ask in my usual cheery way.

"It's not a race track you know!" comes a rather sharp reply.

"Oh, I see," I answer with surprise, "but it is a cycle-path," I add, as I push up onto the pavement to go around.

At a set of traffic lights a little further on I stop and the sound of a bicycle bell causes me to look back. There they are, still stood there, and watch as another cyclist rides up onto the pavement to get around them with lots of unintelligible shouting.

For the life of me I don't know what that was all about.

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Saturday, May 05, 2007


A thought on Zen

Zen is total bullshit. When you realize that fact, you have mastered Zen.

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Friday, April 20, 2007


Tag-a-granny satellite plan

An elderly man was trying to find a place to sit and observe the Olympic Games. As he went to each section all the other Greeks laughed as he tried to make his way through. Some ignored him. Upon entering the Spartan section all the Spartans stood and offered the elderly man their seats. Suddenly the entire stadium applauded. All the Greeks knew what was the right thing to do, but the Spartans were the only ones who did it.



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