Monday, October 12, 2009


In Memory of Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, “Common Sense,” who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- knowing when to come in out of the rain;

- the early bird gets the worm;

- life isn’t always fair; and

- maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, “Truth” and “Trust,” by his wife, “Discretion,” by his daughter, “Responsibility,” and by his son, “Reason.”

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers – “I Know My Rights,” “I Want It Now,” “Someone Else Is To Blame,” and “I’m A Victim.”

Not many attended his funeral, because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

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Thursday, June 05, 2008


Thought for today

We live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality. We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all.

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Wednesday, March 26, 2008


Thought for today

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.

A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair that was all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow.

The old man just stared.

The young man said. "What's the matter, old timer? Never done anything wild in your life?"

The old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."

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Saturday, March 22, 2008


Thought for today

If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years.


Friday, March 21, 2008


Thought for today

People are more violently opposed
to fur than leather
because it's safer to pick on
rich women than motorcycle gangs.



Spice Girls: The Movie

Favourite quote:

"As an artist one must realise that a good kicking is probably the best complement you'll ever receive."

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Wednesday, February 27, 2008


Love vs Marriage

One day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is love? How can I find it?"
His teacher answered, "There is a vast wheat field in front. Walk forward without turning back, and pick only one stalk. If you find the most magnificent stalk, then you have found love."
Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with empty hands, having picked nothing. His teacher asked, "Why did you not pick any stalk?" Plato answered, "Because I could only pick once, and yet I could not turn back. I did find the most magnificent stalk, but did not know if there were any better ones ahead, so I did not pick it. As I walked further, the stalks that I saw were not as good as the earlier one, so I did not pick any in the end.
His teacher then said, "And that is love."
On another day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is marriage? How can find it?"His teacher answered, "There is a thriving forest in front. Walk forward without turning back, and chop down only one tree. If you find the tallest tree, then you have found marriage." Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with a tree. The tree was not thriving, and it was not tall either. It was an ordinary tree. His teacher asked, "Why did you chop down such an ordinary tree?"
Plato answered, "Because of my previous experience. I walked halfway through the forest, but returned with empty hands. This time, I saw this tree, and I felt that it was not bad, so I chopped it down and brought it back. I did not want to miss the opportunity."
His teacher then said, "And that is marriage."

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Thursday, January 10, 2008


Thought for today

Sors salutis
et virtutis
michi nunc contraria,
est affectus
et defectus
semper in angaria.
Hac in hora
sine mora
corde pulsum tangite;
quod per sortem
sternit fortem,
mecum omnes plangite!


Tuesday, January 08, 2008


Words from people's names

algorithm al-Khowarizmi
America Amerigo Vespucci
ampere Andre Ampere
angstrom Anders Jonas Ångström
bogart Humphrey Bogart his style of smoking a cigarette
borked Justice Robert Bork a judge nominated, but never managing to hold office, due to the machinations of politicians blocking him.
boycott Captain Charles Boycott (1832-1897) Irish Land League decided to punish him for not lowering his rents by boycotting him.
braille Louis Braille
Celsius Anders Celsius
chauvinism Nicolas Chauvin early 19th–century French soldier
dahlia Anders Dahl
diesel Rudolf Diesel
draconian Draco Athenian lawgiver not entirely confirmed to have existed
dunce John Duns Scotus 13th/14th-century thinker
Fahrenheit Gabriel Fahrenheit
guy Guy Fawkes
herculean Hercules
lynch Charles Lynch (1736-1796) Judge in Virginia
macadam John McAdam
martinet Jean Martinet
maverick Samuel Maverick
mickey-finn Mickey Finn a Chicago saloon owner in one of the less salubrious parts of town.
nicotine Jean Nicot
ohm Georg Simon Ohm
pasteurize Louis Pasteur
poinsettia Joel Poinsett
quisling Vidkun Quisling (18/7/1887–24/10/1945) collaborated with the German invaders of Norway during WWII.
quixotic Don Quixote
sandwich Earl of Sandwich
saxophone Antoine Sax
shrapnel General Henry Shrapnel (1761-1842) noticed ordinary cannon balls just didn't quite kill enough people
sideburns Ambrose Burnside
silhouette Etienne de Silhouette
spoonerism Reverend William Archibald Spooner (1844–1930) was famous for his muddled one-liners
tawdry St. Audrey the daughter of the king of East Anglia
volt Count Alessandro Volta
watt James Watt
zeppelin Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin


Thursday, January 03, 2008


Thought for today

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Thursday, December 27, 2007


Thought for today

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Thursday, December 20, 2007


Thought for today

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Tuesday, December 18, 2007


The Best Things In Life

The best things in life aren't things.

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Saturday, December 15, 2007


Think of the children...

Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'

From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet ...

'Well, f -- ckin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!'

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Tuesday, December 11, 2007


Family Planning Advice

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Wednesday, December 05, 2007


Proof that we live in a simulation

I've just hit on another proof that we live in a simulation: when you make something idiot proof, the idiots just get upgraded.

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Thursday, November 29, 2007


Thought for today

Someone once asked Jean Cocteau, "Suppose your house were on fire and you could remove only one thing. What would you take?"

Cocteau considered, then said, "I would take the fire."

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