Monday, October 12, 2009
In Memory of Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, “Common Sense,”
who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he
was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red
tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable
lessons as:
- knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- the early bird gets the worm;
- life isn’t always fair; and
- maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, “Truth” and “Trust,” by his wife, “Discretion,” by his daughter, “Responsibility,” and by his son, “Reason.”
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers – “I Know My Rights,” “I Want It Now,” “Someone Else Is To Blame,” and “I’m A Victim.”
Not many attended his funeral, because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
- knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- the early bird gets the worm;
- life isn’t always fair; and
- maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, “Truth” and “Trust,” by his wife, “Discretion,” by his daughter, “Responsibility,” and by his son, “Reason.”
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers – “I Know My Rights,” “I Want It Now,” “Someone Else Is To Blame,” and “I’m A Victim.”
Not many attended his funeral, because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Labels: joke, thought for today
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Thought for today
We live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality.
We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are
nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all.
Labels: buddhism, thought for today
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Thought for today
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.
A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair that was all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow.
The old man just stared.
The young man said. "What's the matter, old timer? Never done anything wild in your life?"
The old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair that was all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow.
The old man just stared.
The young man said. "What's the matter, old timer? Never done anything wild in your life?"
The old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
Labels: fun, joke, thought for today
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Thought for today
If there were in the world today any large number of people who
desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of
others, we could have paradise in a few years.
Labels: thought for today
Friday, March 21, 2008
Thought for today
People are more violently opposed
to fur than leather
because it's safer to pick on
rich women than motorcycle gangs.
to fur than leather
because it's safer to pick on
rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Labels: thought for today
Spice Girls: The Movie
Favourite quote:
"As an artist one must realise that a good kicking is probably the best complement you'll ever receive."
"As an artist one must realise that a good kicking is probably the best complement you'll ever receive."
Labels: bizarre, fun, joke, Pavlovs dog, thought for today
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Love vs Marriage
One day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is love? How can I find it?"
His teacher answered, "There is a vast wheat field in front. Walk forward without turning back, and pick only one stalk. If you find the most magnificent stalk, then you have found love."
Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with empty hands, having picked nothing. His teacher asked, "Why did you not pick any stalk?" Plato answered, "Because I could only pick once, and yet I could not turn back. I did find the most magnificent stalk, but did not know if there were any better ones ahead, so I did not pick it. As I walked further, the stalks that I saw were not as good as the earlier one, so I did not pick any in the end.
His teacher then said, "And that is love."
On another day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is marriage? How can find it?"His teacher answered, "There is a thriving forest in front. Walk forward without turning back, and chop down only one tree. If you find the tallest tree, then you have found marriage." Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with a tree. The tree was not thriving, and it was not tall either. It was an ordinary tree. His teacher asked, "Why did you chop down such an ordinary tree?"
Plato answered, "Because of my previous experience. I walked halfway through the forest, but returned with empty hands. This time, I saw this tree, and I felt that it was not bad, so I chopped it down and brought it back. I did not want to miss the opportunity."
His teacher then said, "And that is marriage."
His teacher answered, "There is a vast wheat field in front. Walk forward without turning back, and pick only one stalk. If you find the most magnificent stalk, then you have found love."
Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with empty hands, having picked nothing. His teacher asked, "Why did you not pick any stalk?" Plato answered, "Because I could only pick once, and yet I could not turn back. I did find the most magnificent stalk, but did not know if there were any better ones ahead, so I did not pick it. As I walked further, the stalks that I saw were not as good as the earlier one, so I did not pick any in the end.
His teacher then said, "And that is love."
On another day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is marriage? How can find it?"His teacher answered, "There is a thriving forest in front. Walk forward without turning back, and chop down only one tree. If you find the tallest tree, then you have found marriage." Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with a tree. The tree was not thriving, and it was not tall either. It was an ordinary tree. His teacher asked, "Why did you chop down such an ordinary tree?"
Plato answered, "Because of my previous experience. I walked halfway through the forest, but returned with empty hands. This time, I saw this tree, and I felt that it was not bad, so I chopped it down and brought it back. I did not want to miss the opportunity."
His teacher then said, "And that is marriage."
Labels: fun, Pavlovs dog, thought for today
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Thought for today
Sors salutis
et virtutis
michi nunc contraria,
est affectus
et defectus
semper in angaria.
Hac in hora
sine mora
corde pulsum tangite;
quod per sortem
sternit fortem,
mecum omnes plangite!
et virtutis
michi nunc contraria,
est affectus
et defectus
semper in angaria.
Hac in hora
sine mora
corde pulsum tangite;
quod per sortem
sternit fortem,
mecum omnes plangite!
Labels: thought for today
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Words from people's names
| algorithm | al-Khowarizmi |
|
| America | Amerigo Vespucci |
|
| ampere | Andre Ampere |
|
| angstrom | Anders Jonas Ångström |
|
| bogart | Humphrey Bogart | his style of smoking a cigarette |
| borked | Justice Robert Bork | a judge nominated, but never managing to hold office, due
to the machinations of politicians blocking him. |
| boycott | Captain Charles Boycott (1832-1897) | Irish Land League decided to punish him for not lowering
his rents by boycotting him. |
| braille | Louis Braille |
|
| Celsius | Anders Celsius |
|
| chauvinism | Nicolas Chauvin | early 19th–century French soldier |
| dahlia | Anders Dahl |
|
| diesel | Rudolf Diesel |
|
| draconian | Draco | Athenian lawgiver not entirely confirmed to have existed |
| dunce | John Duns Scotus | 13th/14th-century thinker |
| Fahrenheit | Gabriel Fahrenheit |
|
| guy | Guy Fawkes |
|
| herculean | Hercules |
|
| lynch | Charles Lynch (1736-1796) | Judge in Virginia |
| macadam | John McAdam |
|
| martinet | Jean Martinet |
|
| maverick | Samuel Maverick |
|
| mickey-finn | Mickey Finn | a Chicago saloon owner in one of the less salubrious
parts of town. |
| nicotine | Jean Nicot |
|
| ohm | Georg Simon Ohm |
|
| pasteurize | Louis Pasteur |
|
| poinsettia | Joel Poinsett |
|
| quisling | Vidkun Quisling (18/7/1887–24/10/1945) | collaborated with the German invaders of Norway during
WWII. |
| quixotic | Don Quixote |
|
| sandwich | Earl of Sandwich |
|
| saxophone | Antoine Sax |
|
| shrapnel | General Henry Shrapnel (1761-1842) | noticed ordinary cannon balls just didn't quite kill
enough people |
| sideburns | Ambrose Burnside |
|
| silhouette | Etienne de Silhouette |
|
| spoonerism | Reverend William Archibald Spooner (1844–1930) | was famous for his muddled one-liners |
| tawdry | St. Audrey | the daughter of the king of East Anglia |
| volt | Count Alessandro Volta |
|
| watt | James Watt |
|
| zeppelin | Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin |
Labels: thought for today
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Thought for today
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Thought for today
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Thought for today
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
The Best Things In Life
The best things in life aren't things.
Labels: thought for today, zen buddhism
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Think of the children...
Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the
entertainment industry for being more than just a little
self-righteous.
At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.
Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'
From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet ...
'Well, f -- ckin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!'
At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.
Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'
From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet ...
'Well, f -- ckin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!'
Labels: bizarre, fun, joke, Pavlovs dog, recycling, thought for today
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Family Planning Advice
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Proof that we live in a simulation
I've just hit on another proof that we live in a simulation: when you
make something idiot proof, the idiots just get upgraded.
Labels: fun, joke, thought for today
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Thought for today
Someone once asked Jean Cocteau, "Suppose your house were on fire and
you could remove only one thing. What would you take?"
Cocteau considered, then said, "I would take the fire."
Cocteau considered, then said, "I would take the fire."
Labels: thought for today, zen buddhism
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