Monday, October 12, 2009
In Memory of Common Sense
- knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- the early bird gets the worm;
- life isn’t always fair; and
- maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, “Truth” and “Trust,” by his wife, “Discretion,” by his daughter, “Responsibility,” and by his son, “Reason.”
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers – “I Know My Rights,” “I Want It Now,” “Someone Else Is To Blame,” and “I’m A Victim.”
Not many attended his funeral, because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Labels: joke, thought for today
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Hønsekødsuppe
En høne på en og en halv kilo, eller halvanden kilo passer bedre.
En spiseske salt
Cirka to liter vand
To eller tre gulerødder
Et kvart selleri
En persillerod
En porre
Et løg
Fire hele nelliker
Stik nellikerne ind i løget.
Tag bladerne fra porren og brug dem til suppevisk
Skær grøntsager i tern.
Kom alt i gryden, untagen kyllingen.
Vær sikker på at hønen er død, en stor hammer kan hjælpe dig her.
Pluk hønen, og fjern indvoldene.
Kom nu kyllingen i gryden.
Kog i to timer ved svag varme.
Omrøres med jævne mellem rum.
Salt og peber efter ønske.
Server og spis op, uden hyl og skrig!
Avis artikel
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Beer
What? Nearly out of beer!
Oh dear, better send out for some more.
Labels: building a bicycle, cycling, fun, joke
Friday, December 05, 2008
Jylebryg
Looks like it is disappearing fast, so more is sent for.
Labels: building a bicycle, cycling, fun, joke
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Thought for today
A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair that was all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow.
The old man just stared.
The young man said. "What's the matter, old timer? Never done anything wild in your life?"
The old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
Labels: fun, joke, thought for today
Friday, March 21, 2008
Spice Girls: The Movie
"As an artist one must realise that a good kicking is probably the best complement you'll ever receive."
Labels: bizarre, fun, joke, Pavlovs dog, thought for today
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Thought for today
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Thought for today
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Thought for today
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Think of the children...
At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.
Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'
From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet ...
'Well, f -- ckin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!'
Labels: bizarre, fun, joke, Pavlovs dog, recycling, thought for today
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Yet another crash
Luckily one of them saw me and swerved, the other tried to push him back into the correct lane.
Result: two bent cars and one shaken, but unstirred, threaded who continued on his way, carrying the new toy.
Wonder: could it be the luminous jacket? I am going to call someone up to drive me home. I don't feel safe on my bicycle tonight.
In fact I don't feel safe going for lunch. They have knives in the canteen...
Another crash
Wonder if the drivers were distracted by the loveliness of my Xmas present?
Or by my luminous jacket?
Family Planning Advice
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Proof that we live in a simulation
Labels: fun, joke, thought for today
Sunday, November 25, 2007
haiku
Sales
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Alberta ."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did. His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?
The kid says "one".
The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says "$101,237.65".
The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, "Dude, your weekend's shot. You should go fishing."
Labels: joke
Puzzling advertisements
Labels: bizarre, fun, joke, Pavlovs dog, zen buddhism
Monday, November 19, 2007
If you wait too long for the perfect moment...
the perfect moment will pass you by.
Labels: joke, zen buddhism
Friday, November 09, 2007
What's the difference between chattr and chmod?
Labels: fun, joke, programming
What ah mistake ah to make ah
Oops.
Apparently it was a 'booking error'.
What I want to know is: where's the video on YouTube?
Labels: bizarre, fun, joke, news comment
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Managing Agile Software Development
I immediately thought what a silly question, but on thinking about it, it struck me that I haven't read anywhere in the voluminous verbiage written about Agile Software Development the simple basic inner concept of it all: managers are out of the loop.
That's what it's all about, no managers.
Why has no one said it this way? They all talk about empowering the team, give the developers the tools they want, everything but the central point: remove the managers to prevent them messing up the stuff they don't understand.
The managers are still there, they just do a different job to those in the heavyweight methodologies, viz:
* increase return on investment by -- making continuous flow of value our focus.
* deliver reliable results by -- engaging customers in frequent interactions and shared ownership.
* expect uncertainty and manage for it through -- iterations, anticipation and adaptation.
* unleash creativity and innovation by -- recognizing that individuals are the ultimate source of value, and creating an environment where they can make a difference.
* boost performance through -- group accountability for results and shared responsibility for team effectiveness.
* improve effectiveness and reliability through -- situationally specific strategies, processes and practices.
So I shuffled that steaming pile of on an email. That'll keep them busy and out of my hair for this iteration at least.
Labels: fun, joke, politics, work
Monday, November 05, 2007
An unexpected failure has occured
It strikes me though, that if someone wrote a page to say that, then they expected this occurrence to happen.
Did they write pages for all the expected failures as well?
Or are the programmers just lazy: writing this one page as they wistfully expect the system to always be working, at all times, and when it doesn't it is a mysterious unexpected event?
Maybe they weren't lazy, and worked really hard to build a working system, but ran out of budget for this page to tell the customers that the back end was going belly up.
One asks: what does it mean to say, "An unexpected failure has occurred", and what will the readers of the page be left to ponder...
Labels: bizarre, buddhism, joke, purple, work, zen buddhism
Banksy
Has been cut down
And the last river
Has dried to a trickle
Will man finally realise
That we cannot eat money
And reciting old proverbs
Makes you sound like a twat
Labels: bizarre, buddhism, fun, joke, politics, zen buddhism
Friday, November 02, 2007
Rip Rap & Rup
"Anders Rip Rap Rasmussen".
'And' is Danish for duck. 'Rip Rap & Rup' are Donald Ducks nephews.
Well, it made me laugh. YMMV.
Labels: bizarre, joke, politics, recycling
Can you ...
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Jagtvej 69 Politics
Essentially it is a little video using a Surrealist and Existential techniques about the politics surrounding Ungdomshuset
There are other teams that have produced videos and there is a little competition between them. Not quite sure how it is going to be scored, but do watch and give us a high rating, as I don't think it can harm the outcome...
Labels: bizarre, Jagtvej 69, joke, Pavlovs dog, purple, recycling, Ungdomshuset, work
Monday, October 15, 2007
An open letter to Assos.
An open letter to Assos
Labels: bizarre, cycling, joke, recycling
Saturday, September 01, 2007
You know when you are old when...
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Thought for the day
Labels: joke, zen buddhism
Ducati: making machanics out of riders since 1946
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Logical Fallicies
This is the best logical fallacy, and if you disagree with me, well, you suck.
Appeal To False Authority:
Your logical fallacies aren't logical fallacies at all because Einstein said so. Einstein also said that this one is better.
Appeal To Emotion:
See, my mom, she had to work three jobs on account of my dad leaving and refusing to support us, and me with my elephantitis and all, all our money went to doctor's bills so I never was able to get proper schooling. So really, if you look deep down inside yourself, you'll see that my fallacy here is the best.
Appeal to Fear:
If you don't accept Appeal to Fear as the greatest fallacy, then THE TERRORISTS WILL HAVE WON. Do you want that on your conscience, that THE TERRORISTS WILL HAVE WON because you were a pansy who didn't really think that Appeal to Fear was worth voting for, and you wanted to vote for something else? Of course not, and neither would the people you let die because THE TERRORISTS WILL HAVE WON.
Appeal To Force:
If you don't agree that Appeal to Force is the greatest logical fallacy, I will kick your ass.
Appeal To Majority:
Most people think that this fallacy is the best, so clearly it is.
Appeal To Novelty:
The Appeal to Novelty's a new fallacy, and it blows all your crappy old fallacies out the water! All the cool kids are using it: it's OBVIOUSLY the best.
Appeal To Numbers:
Millions think that this fallacy is the best, so clearly it is.
Appeal To Tradition:
We've used Appeal to Tradition for centuries: how can it possibly be wrong?
Argumentum Ad Nauseam:
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Begging The Question:
Circular reasoning is the best fallacy and is capable of proving anything.
Since it can prove anything, it can obviously prove the above statement.
Since it can prove the first statement, it must be true.
Therefore, circular reasoning is the best fallacy and is capable of proving anything.
Burden Of Proof:
Can you prove that Burden of Proof isn't the best logical fallacy?
Complex Question:
Have you stopped beating your wife and saying Complex Question isn't the best fallacy?
False Dilemma:
I've found that either you think False Dilemma is the best fallacy, or you're a terrorist.
False Premise:
All of the other fallacies are decent, but clearly not the best as they didn't come from my incredibly large and sexy brain.
Gambler's Fallacy:
In all the previous talks about this subject, Gambler's Fallacy won, so I just know the Gambler's Fallacy is going to win this time!
Guilt By Association:
You know who else preferred those other logical fallacies?
*(insert pictures of Hitler, Stalin, and Pol Pot here)*
Non Sequitur:
Non Sequitur is the best fallacy because none of my meals so far today have involved asparagus.
Post Hoc/False Cause:
Since I've started presuming that correlation equals causation, violent crime has gone down 54%.
Red Herring:
They say that to prove your fallacy is the best requires extraordinary evidence, because it's an extraordinary claim. Well, I'd like to note that "Extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence" is itself an extraordinary claim.
Relativism:
Well maybe all those other fallacies are the best for you, but to me, the relativist fallacy is the greatest logical fallacy ever.
Slippery Slope:
If you don't like Slippery Slope arguments, you will do poorly in class, drop out of school, commit crimes, go to prison, and die of AIDS.
Special Pleading:
I know that everyone is posting about their favorite fallacies, but Special Pleading is out-and-out the best, so it should just win with no contest.
(Credit should go to Brian McGroarty who compiled this list)
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Obvious
Labels: joke, Pavlovs dog, programming, zen buddhism
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Chicken Little
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?".
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: "Holy Shit! A talking chicken!".
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Labels: joke
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